Have you ever passed an almost empty construction site one day, and been miraculously surprised an entire structure had been erected a few days later? While it might seem magical, considerable work had already occurred beneath the surface of the site. And that preliminary foundation work will be essential for the long-range success and stability of the structure. If we take a deeper look, this early foundation work may even offer some hidden truths for our family relationships.
As a child, I often marveled in observing families who constantly seemed joyous. Who always were well put together and on one accord, no matter the occasion. What kept their bond so strong? Did they ever experience challenging times that would tug at the seams of their bespoke family mosaic? What was their secret?
I occasionally pondered these questions until one day, I experienced revelation through reading a Luke 6 parable. The story basically stated two men built houses, one wise and the other seemingly foolish. The wise man built his house’s foundation upon a rock, but the other did not. When the rain and floods eventually came, only the wise man’s house remained, because his foundation was secure. A light bulb went off!! Could it be these joyous families enjoyed stability in the home because their peace was built on an incorruptible foundation? Even when the turbulent storms of life raged, they were able to rely on the emotional compass of this foundational anchor.
So, what do I mean by a foundational anchor? And how can it be used to strengthen a family bond? I am referring to the establishment of a core belief system within the family unit. One that reveals the essence of what your family deems critically meaningful. And while there is no specific right or wrong answer, I believe every family and individual for that matter, should consider adopting core non-negotiables that cannot be compromised. These foundational pillars may even evolve over time but suffice it to say they end up becoming your “North Star.”
Much like the purpose of a building’s foundation is to transfer weight and keep compromising moisture away, your “North Star” should be capable of bearing the load of life’s inevitable distractions, all while mitigating external forces that seek to steal your peace. Keep in mind, the foundational anchor may not eradicate all on-going turmoil, as problems may persist or even expand as the dilemma unfolds. Sometimes, life just happens and there is no “easy-button” to hit. And no matter how tightly you hold to your “North Star,” the situation cannot be immediately remedied. However, I can certainly attest that if your family relies on a few core principles, no matter how destructive the negative external forces become, your familial bond will be able to weather the storm until things finally calm. So, what are the steps to defining a North Star?
- Identify what is important. What environment or activities fill you with joy? Think outside of the box and list everything. Be receptive to both individual and collective activities. Perhaps playing family games bring joy, but so might reading independently in silence. The goal is to define things that tend to bring comfort and help center everyone emotionally. That fundamental peace will play a consequential role later.
- Determine how to consolidate the varied concepts. While your list of activities may be quite diverse, seek to find commonality in the results. For instance, perhaps several dissimilar activities like cooking, traveling, and playing instruments were identified. But the common link is that enjoyment is heightened when the family is together. So perhaps a fundamental anchor is carving out time each week to participate in family activities. Deeply ponder all shared thoughts and record your results.
- Be intentional and execute your plan. Unfortunately, we do not live in a world of certainty. Sometimes you must roll with the punches of life, and quickly adjust to accommodate new circumstances. The goal during tumultuous times is to center yourself in fundamental peace, so take care to honor your new core principles. Intentionality in executing your foundational pillars is where the rubber meets the road. Remember, it is frequently at the intersection of theory and application where the magic finally happens. So, commit to executing what you have defined as meaningful.
There inevitably will be some who say my perspective is flawed and/or whimsical. That life dilemmas haphazardly occur, and you must contend with the fallout as it comes. And that is certainly one way to deal with life’s uncertainties, but I urge you to strongly consider testing our concept. Know there is no correct or optimal number when exploring foundational principles. I am a proponent of a three-legged stool for balanced load distribution, but you could easily start with one simple foundational truth and grow from there. The idea is to challenge your family to spend time thinking through what is critically important and non-negotiable TO YOU.
And if the skies appear blue, and waters tranquil for your family, great!! It is the perfect time to ponder possible foundational principles. For indeed, the most effective shelters are created prior to a calamity, not once you are in the eye of a hurricane.