I’m going to let you in on a little secret. When my kids began approaching the “Big 1-3” milestone, I was utterly petrified. Oh sure, I appeared calm on the outside, but internally my mind was racing. I attempted to ease those fears by emphasizing strong values and praying daily for wisdom and grace, but I still wondered: Were we truly prepared for the uncertain road ahead? Of course, my own memories of growing up in the 1980s began resurfacing. I remembered how my friends and I always seemed to find ingenious ways to outsmart the adults around us—or at least we thought we did. But this generation is different.
Today’s teenagers have access to information, technology, and social influences we could scarcely have imagined. How could two decidedly Gen X parents hope to keep up? At least in the eyes of our children, we might as well be ancient. And therein lies the challenge. Gone are the elementary school days when we were the coolest superhero parents on the planet. Gone are the afternoon rides home from school when we received those wonderfully chaotic emotional downloads about melted crayons, gummies stuck in hair, playground disputes, and dramatic lunchroom encounters.
There were days when we learned far more than we ever expected to know. And if we’re being honest, there are moments when we miss those conversations. As our children become teenagers, we often find ourselves adjusting to a new reality—brief life updates, one-word answers, occasional side hugs, and conversations that can feel frustratingly abbreviated. So how do we remain connected as our children mature? Through plenty of trial and error, here are three practices that have helped our family remain both culturally aware and intentionally parental.
- Embrace Your Teenager’s Passions
Learn to appreciate what they love. At a minimum, invest time in understanding their interests and activities. Not every trend, hobby, or social media platform will become your favorite thing, but your effort will not go unnoticed—even if your teenager never explicitly says so. For example, I am a terrible TikTok collaborator. Truly terrible. Yet that has never stopped me from participating. And by participating, I mean fully committing to the experience. Do I occasionally look silly and reveal my age? Absolutely. But who cares?
First, I am not easily embarrassed. More importantly, I genuinely want to connect with my children. If they get a good laugh watching their dad attempt to stay current with the latest trends—or try to use words like “heem” correctly—then so be it. What you often discover is that investing fully in their interests naturally creates opportunities for meaningful conversation. Hidden within those spontaneous moments are often valuable insights into your child’s world. Those moments of connection are where the real treasure is found.
- Speak with Honesty and Sincerity
Our actions will always speak louder than our words. We may passionately defend our viewpoints and confidently explain our decisions, but our actions ultimately reveal our character. Therefore, when you make a mistake, do not be afraid to acknowledge it in front of your teenager. A sincere apology for a poor decision, a harsh response, or a moment of frustration can become a turning point in your relationship.
Admitting fault is not weakness. It demonstrates humility, authenticity, and emotional maturity. Likewise, avoid creating double standards. Few things erode trust faster than expecting behavior from our children that we are unwilling to model ourselves. Even when mistakes are unintentional, our teenagers cannot see our motives. They can only evaluate what we have communicated through our words and actions.
Scripture reinforces this truth in 1 Samuel 16:7, where we are reminded that people tend to focus on outward appearances while God examines the heart. We can repeat guidance to our children endlessly, but our actions are what remain etched in their memories. Therefore, speak with honesty, lead with humility, and model the character you hope to cultivate in them.
- Have Fun Together
Anyone who knows me understands that I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is an incredible gift, and our time together is far too short to constantly worry about how others perceive us. My goal has always been to leave people with a positive impression of my faith while fully embracing the joys of life. That philosophy extends to parenting. Take time to have fun with your children. Whether it’s hiking, playing games, cooking, traveling, watching movies, or simply enjoying music together, intentionally create opportunities for laughter and connection.
And while you’re at it, try not to make every conversation feel like a formal counseling session. If every interaction is serious and instructional, your teenager may become reluctant to share the everyday details that matter most to them. The funny moment that happened in Spanish class. The awkward encounter in the cafeteria. The unexpected joke during practice. It all matters. Those stories may seem insignificant in the moment, but they provide valuable windows into your teenager’s personality, interests, friendships, and concerns. More importantly, laughter creates emotional safety. Communication barriers begin to fall. Defensive walls gradually come down. Trust grows stronger. And meaningful relationships are built one conversation at a time.
While I cannot guarantee these suggestions will unlock every communication barrier with your teenager, they have certainly provided a positive framework for our family. In fact, if my children read this blog, I am fairly certain they would immediately inform me that I am neither as clever nor as funny as I believe myself to be. They would also remind me that sharing things with Dad is not always easy. And honestly, that is perfectly fine. Because they would still be talking with me. And ultimately, that is the goal.Part of this lifelong parenting journey is simply keeping the conversation alive and continuing to strengthen the bond we share.
R. Brockman Pierce
Author, The Joy of Significance
Encouraging lives rooted in faith, family, fellowship, and lasting significance.